In The Stacks

Ode the joys of the Christmas holidays at the library

2011-12-29T21:45:00.000-07:00

Every year we get people who insist on coming to the library on Christmas Day. In the days following we receive the full wrath of those patrons. A flood of anger and complaints challenge our obviously cruel and unusal tradition of closing the library. We also get comments such as:

"Why do you close early on Christmas Eve?"
"Why do you close on Christmas Day?"
"Why do you ever close at all? Walmart doesn't."

I understand the common belief that those who work in a library have no life what so ever except to be at the beck and call of every customer. If you are one of these people, allow me to express my deepest regret. I'm sorry that you forgot to put Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer on hold and need it today. Perhaps you could act out the movie for your family while I am at home enjoying time with my own. To be clear, Christmas is a PUBLIC or LEGAL holiday which the whole nation celebrates. All non-essential Federal and public offices are closed.

Please see U.S. Code Title 5, Part III, Subpart E, Chapter 61, Subchapter 1, § 6103 . If you are having trouble finding this code, please stop by the library on December 26th for assistance.

Somethings you can only believe with a photo

2011-12-12T01:12:00.000-07:00

At times, you will hear someone say something, and you just can't believe it.

This happens alot at the library. So, I take photos.

This looks like an ordinary disc, until,

You turn it over.

Yes, my dear readers, that is scotch tape holding the disc together.

Librarian Thought Bubble - "I wonder if they put it in their computer and

then complained about 'another library disc that doesn't work'"

Sigh

2011-12-08T15:43:00.000-07:00

There is just nothing too much to say about this.

Can I get a Watch Battery?

2011-11-13T22:29:00.000-07:00

I arrived at work on a chilly Sunday and noticed the parking lot about 1/3 full. I am thinking "wow what’s going on?" People were lined up and even banging on the door. I looked at the clock, it was 11:04.

Me: Can I help you all?

Rude Patron: Yes! You can open the door, it is well after noon

and I need to get my hold.

Me: Sir, its just after 11, we do not open until Noon.

Patron: NO! It's past noon (points to his watch)

Me: The time changes last night...fall back. It's 11:07

Patron: "Well, you are here, can we come in, I just want to get my hold? "

Me: No, we open at Noon.

Patron: I am going to inform your manager.

Me: Ok. Would you like her name?

Patron: HUFFS and walks away

Librarian thought Bubble - Why do people still argue with me?

Sometimes you just have to smile

2011-10-31T00:25:00.000-06:00

Patron: "Do you have Breaking Dawn, Part 1 in?"

Me: "That is not out yet."

Patron: "Yes it is"

I go to Amazon.com and double check to prove I am right

Me: "That movie is not released into the movie theaters until Nov 18"

Patron: "So do you have it?"

Me: "What month is this?"

Patron: " October"

I just stare at the girl with the "do you get it yet?" look

Patron: Turns red, "OH" walks away.

Librarian thought Bubble - "Please help me, this girl is our future"

2011-10-17T10:50:00.000-06:00

Today a patron hurried toward the information desk holding a blue spotted antibacterial wipe.

She said that someone had defaced the statue outside.

The very expensive statue on temporary loan from a local artist.

Our looks of concern were replaced with stares of horror when the library acting manager politely explained that the streak of paint was a part of the statue. The woman was thanked for her concern, and reassured that she did not need to return with more cleaning supplies.

Several hours later our faithful patron returned. She argued that the paint was definitely graffiti.

We had to explain that the paint was there when the statue was unveiled

before she finally gave up in a huff of disappontment.

Librarian thought bubble - "Let's hope that she keeps her good intentions and

Clorox wipes out of the Louvre."

Librarians aka Mind Readers

2011-10-09T11:00:00.000-06:00

Many people confuse a librarian with a mind reader.

Patron: I don’t know the song or the title or who sings it but

I heard it on the radio and I liked it. Can you find it for me?

Me: Do you know any lines to it?

Patrons: No.

*Sigh*

Me: Start humming it .

The patron starts humming the song that is vagely familiar to me.

About 2 minutes of them humming, I found it for them.

Librarian thought bubble - Don't expect miracles when you come in to the library,

but if you get one, sweets are apprciated.

Trash n Fashion

2011-10-03T23:56:00.001-06:00

A lady approached the information desk and asked for a trash bag.

It was an odd request, but (obviously) we get a large number of them.

I found one and handed it to her.

She opened it, twisted it around, made a few holes and...

Voila! Trash bag dress!

My colleague asked if she was ok. She replied "Yes. Your air conditioning is too cold for me."

Librarian thought bubble -

"And all this time I have been overpaying for winter wear at Burlington Coat Factory."

A Valuable Hobby

2011-09-27T23:26:00.001-06:00

Of the many things Patrons use as bookmarks, money is my favorite.

7/11 24/7

2011-09-18T21:04:00.001-06:00

A young woman walked into the library 5 minutes before closing.

She attempted make a reservation for an internet computer.

After receiving an error she asks for help.

Nightrider: "Excuse me, this thing won’t let me on the computer."
Me: "Yes ma’am, that’s because we are closing in just a few minutes."
<look of utter confusion>
Nightrider: “Do you mean you have specific hours?"

Librarian thought bubble - I should give her a little credit. The bright lights, automatic door sensors, and exhausted library workers are reminiscent of a Wal-mart.

Wash your hands

2011-09-11T23:33:00.002-06:00

Thousands of items are returned to the library everyday.

We never know what happens to them once they leave our shelves.

Sometimes we don't want to know.

Yes, my dear readers, that is dog feces.

This particular item was returned in the book drop along with other books,

which were destroyed as well.

Remember, folks,

wash your hands after reading a borrowed book!

Librarian thought bubble - "Next time, could you toss in a blank check with the poop? At the moment my tax dollars are paying to clean this expensive sorting machine."

Things you hear at the library...

2011-09-05T22:28:00.000-06:00

A gentleman and his walked into the library and up the stairs.

Gentleman: Ok, this is going to be a quick in and out, OK?

Son: Ok

Gentleman: I tell your mom that all the time

People can't read

2011-08-30T03:20:00.001-06:00

It takes a large number of computing components to run an efficient library system. From time to time those systems fail. As a "front line" person at the library, I often troubleshoot technology problems.

After numerous failures of one machine in particular, our official IT support was called in. They had reported all was well, and "it's working now". A few hours later another failure occurred, so I decided to investigate. After opening the cabinet and letting the plume of dust clear (cough),

I came across this note on the side of the CPU.

It is a bit fuzzy, but as you can read here, it says defective part.

Librarian thought bubble - Even in a library, reading is optional.

Someone people you just walk away from

2011-08-21T15:26:00.000-06:00

I was out shelving books when I saw a woman, pushing tables out of the way. She then proceeds to lay fabric on the carpet, smoothing it out. By the time my shock wore off, she had a pair of scissors out, cutting the fabric.

I cautiously approached the woman.

Me: “Excuse me ma’am, can I help you with anything?”

Patron: No I go it.

Me: Um, what are you doing ma’am?

*She looks at me like I am the crazy one*

Patron: I am cutting a pattern for my new dress.

Me: Ok.

At this point I just walked away.

There really is no point in confronting a woman with a pair of scissors.

She continued to cut her dress out and even pinning it on the dirty library floor.

Librarian thought bubble - Good luck lady, I would bleach that fabric if I were you, a child vomited there yesterday.

Apparently librarians are babysitters of children and belongings.

2011-08-15T21:56:00.000-06:00

A gentleman came into the library to study. He found a cubicle in a far corner and set himself up for a long haul. After a few hours he decided to leave the library. He also left his belongings behind. Three and a half hours later he returned. Surprise, surprise... his laptop was missing. Police Officers arrived at the library fairly quickly to question the man about his stolen item. I couldn't help but smile, and hide a chuckle, when the officer asked him, "So let me get this straight. You left your laptop in the cubicle and left here for 3 hours. Is that correct?" The man says "Yes, I have done it before. I never thought anyone would steal from a library". At this point I had to walk away or the urge to burst out laughing would have overtaken me. The look on the officer's face seemed to scream "Are you really THAT stupid?"

Note from your friendly local librarian - Library employees do not want your unattended laptops or children, but someone else probably does.

People of the Library

2011-08-07T22:37:00.002-06:00

Perhaps I should start a second blog similar to People of Wal-Mart . I will add a tag for now. "People of the Library."
Today for example, a woman came in to the library wearing a yellow and black striped shirt (bumble bee style). The shirt was paired with paper thin white pants which were creeping up her back side. This was the perfect outfit for showing off her high cut bikini panties and accentuating her cellulite. It wasn't the worst summer outfit until I noticed her shoes. Pointy black sling back heels...with white ankle socks.

Remember to check the mirror before leaving home, folks. The Undercover Library Lady is no runway model, but she knows a fashion mistake when she sees one. See Dewey Decimal number 746.92.

Librarians aka Mind Readers

2011-07-31T23:20:00.000-06:00

Patron : I need to know what book my son needs to read.

Me: Um. For school?

Patron: yes

Me: I don’t know. I work here at the library, not at the school.

Patron: Well, I thought you people would know.

Me: No, we don’t. I am sure the teacher told you son and maybe even sent something home, so your son would know. If not, you need to contact the teacher.

Patron: Can you call them?

I don’t want my son to get in trouble.

Me: No

Librarian thought Bubble: Another responsible parent "helping" their child.

We are not a hotel

2011-07-24T21:20:00.001-06:00

Books are not pillows, take your snoring self elsewhere.

Hungry ?

2011-07-17T23:25:00.000-06:00

Oh yes, we have a child gnawing on the legs of the computer desk.

It's a Saturday at the public library.

Librarian thought bubble - "This is why some animals eat their young."

Voices carry

2011-07-12T11:17:00.000-06:00

One of our regular patrons is usually wearing headphones. He also sings... Loudly. We recently discovered that his favorite song is "I Will Always Love you" by Whitney Houston. Thank you for the serenade, Sir. While we understand that the library has excellent acoustics, your panel of judges has just voted you out of the competition.

Do The Right Thing

2011-07-05T09:48:00.002-06:00

Patron: I came here and I couldn't get in yesterday.

Me: Yes we were closed

Patron: Well you need to tell people

Me: Well its been on the website for a couple weeks, and there were massive signs all around

Patron: *big sigh* well you need to call me !

Me: So you want me to call every person who has a library card to let them know that we are going to be closed on a certain day?

Patron: Well yeah, its the right thing to do

My kid is an Angel!

2011-06-30T23:56:00.001-06:00

I notice a child ripping down a library sign, shoving it in his bag, then printing something off of the computer.

Librarian thought bubble: "I wonder how long it will take for his mother to notice?"

12 minutes pass...

Patron FINALLY catches on

Patron: Oh did you print something? Why?

Kid: Cause I wanted it

Patron: Excuse me Miss?

Me: Yes?

Patron: Are you allowed to print off of these computers?

Me: Yes it is 10 cents per page.

Patron: *huffs* You need a sign saying that printing costs money

Me: We do ma'am, kids keep ripping it down.

Patron: Are you accusing my son of tearing down your sign?

Me: Yes.

Patron: *huffs*

Me: *Shrugs* Prove me wrong. Look in his bag

Patron: You don't have any proof, my son would never do that. *Looks in bag. Looks at me.* Come on Ryan, its time to go. *reaches in bag, grabs the sign and throws it in the trash on her way out*

We Aren't Babysitters !

2011-06-28T22:46:00.001-06:00

I was shelving picture books in the children's department. I sat on the floor to do this since the shelves are so low. No more than 3 minutes passed and a child of about 2 years of age came and sat in my lap. I put my hands up, my eyes got big, and I say "who belongs to this child?" Another child of about 6 comes over and says "sorry, she wants me to read her a story and I don't read good."
Me: "Who are you here with? Mom? Dad? Grandma?"
Child: "Mom went to get Casey"
Me: "Who's Casey ?"
Child: "That's my sister, she's at her school. She says we stay here until she came back"
Me: "How long have you been here alone?"
Child: "I don't know. Mom picked me up at school and we come here"

Now at this point it was 4:40. The local school got out at 3:15.

First call was to police, second to social services.

Word of WARNING

Your child isn't safe at the library.

We do not watch your children.

The Library IS NOT a Daycare !

They can easily be assulted or kidnapped.

I DID read her a story.

This isn't a restaurant

2011-06-27T22:28:00.002-06:00

I walked up to a guy eating in the library:

Me: "You should eat that out on the deck"

Him:"Why?"

Me: "Well there is no eating in the library"

Him: "Really? *looks all confused*

Me: "Yeah I guess you missed the 3 big signs that say "NO food in library"'

Him:"But you have tables."

Librarian thought bubble -"If I bring him a napkin, will he leave a tip?"

Show me the money !

2011-06-24T21:36:00.002-06:00

A lady walks into the library and asks,

"Where's your ATM?"

Librarian thought bubble: "Mine is at the bank, I don't know where yours is"

A Playroom?

2011-06-22T22:14:00.001-06:00

Patron: “ Excuse me, where’s your play room?"

Me: “Um, pardon?”

Patron: “Where is your playroom, for children?”

Me: “It’s a library.”

Patron: “I know, where is the playroom?”

Me: “Do you mean the kids room, with kids books?”

Patron: “No, a playroom, where I can drop

my kids off and they can play.”

Me: “Sir, there is no playroom, this is a public library, not a daycare”

Patron…huffs away

Me…rolls eyes